The Power of Generosity

"Give it up man, you're giving way too much. It's not like you're ever gonna take all this home"

Aren't you?

In order to achieve the many things we desire in life it is necessary that we invest a few things; time, money, labour, virtue, emotion,humanity. However, how many of us actually give life all we've got? How many of us are genuinely generous in the act of giving what we have, to receive what we want?

Prominent motivational speaker Robin Sharma refers to generosity as something every man who expect to go from average to great must practice in his daily life. Not only in terms of money or service, but also in effort and time. I believe that Generosity is an investment, that one makes in return for a more rewarding life.

On a daily basis I come across many an individual , both in my personal and professional circles who believe that one should hold back a certain degree in his act of giving. These individuals include, friends who believe that one should not put one's complete affection or commitment into any romantic relationship, colleagues who believe that one should not perform more than that is expected or rewarded at work, family who believe that one should never completely give into the needs of one's self. Hold back a little,save a bit of yourself, you don't have to go out of your way to do everything. I'm sure it has its merits, but where does self satisfaction then come from? The contentment that comes only from the knowledge of having given the best and the most of yourself to performing something? Why limit your potential when you can clearly do much more and much better?

I do not mean to say giving all you have, does not carry a risk.There is the possibility of being taken for granted, your efforts being ignored or worse exploited. One needs to know that there is a fine line between letting one's self be exploited for the gains of others and being generous, The latter is a conscious action that comes purely from within one's self. It also has many perks. It empowers one to strive for the best, to devote for the best and grow greater than ever perceived possible. 

Putting a little more effort into your work than you did last time, spending a little more time with your beloved than you did the previous night, giving someone a bit more attention, loving yourself a little more,paying for a dinner or buying dessert after, a second note for the old woman who beg for alms by the diner, a second box of goodies for the local charity , or a few hours for the community project  is sure to turn into a great investment not only towards your mental health but also towards building a larger than life brand of your own; in the eyes of others and your own.

Pularae

The Other Man's Language

"All he is capable of is putting together a couple of English words and he thinks he can reign over all of us"

This is a complain I hear more often than I'm pleased to admit. Now as an English teacher you'd think it natural for me to be stressed by this sort of attitude , offended even, but that is not what bother me. If one is aware that in our current society, that being able to use English empowers its speaker, how is it that most individuals in the same society still struggle to use this imperial : colonial 'burden' to their advantage? Where does this said Anglophobia come from and why is it only limited to the learning of the language and not to walking around in suits?  Why does the majority who live in our society still fail to harness whatever power this language presents to its user but be dominated by the few who use it?

Recently I've had the opportunity to teach adults and it surprises me how much they struggle to express themselves in this language that they claim to have studied for a decade or more. Many may prefer to blame a failed system or even the teachers and their teaching methods, which I do not claim to be entirely out of flaws, yet however I have come to find that perception or the lack of it plays a much bigger role in this language antagonism we witness today.

A popular belief against those who use English to express themselves is that they forget their roots and tend to live a Western lifestyle that does not become of our culture. It goes without saying that this belief also accompanies the notion that the said 'taboo' lifestyle endows its practitioner with a sense or superiority that he then uses to make the 'others' feel inferior. As entertaining as it will be  to debate on the hypocrisy of such a statement, especially coming from a community that fails to define a human relationship outside a legal marriage as anything but vile and revolting; a concept forced onto us by our imperial conquers whose language most of us patriots seems to dearly despise , I need to stick to the topic for this round.  Learning to use another man's language does not mean that the learner is obliged to embrace and indulge in the culture and lifestyle that may come with it. However it certainly broadens one's thinking as it opens doors to the lives and practises of the people who speak that language.

Since the language of the other man in question happens to be the language most widely used across the globe today, despite our concerns about how it may have come to be so, one needs to take a wise step back and carefully review ho he may use this for his advantage. It doesn't hurt to observe that most of  the literature the world refers to in almost all fields alike is written in English, and if one who does not speak English finds himself intimidated by another who does , I believe this reason alone explains where the possibility may have been generated. After all knowledge is power; especially if the ignorant prefers to be so intentionally simply because he find the medium a hassle he would not rather deal with.It needs to be understood that the longer one fails to confront this challenge that in this case is English, the longer he is left powerless and vulnerable to be dominated by the ones who have mustered the courage to harness it and use it for their benefit. Making petty complains and muttering under one's breath of the injustice of it all, will not open any door that being illiterate in the particular language so far has not.

Pularae

Carefully Spoilt!

It's 2016 and yes,don't we just luuuurve being independent! We love being able to provide for ourselves, sometimes even for others. We love that we don't need anyone to validate our existence or do the banking for us.We love being able to split that cheque and drive ourselves home, where we can do whatever we want, invite him in or close the door on his face (given the poor man doesn't live in the same house of course). 

It is a great feeling, knowing that we can very well take care of ourselves without the help of another, but now and then we all long for a little pampering.Someone to worry a little, throw a bit of a tantrum over what we do and spoil us senseless, to help us unwind and be taken care of, on and off. It's no sin nor betrayal. You would still be the strong, independent woman that you always wanted to be, just a little pampered. After all, we all need a bit of unwinding sometimes, and letting a guy open a door for you and treat yourself to a fancy dinner shouldn't make the gods come running.

Humans are social animals and despite all the individuality we have achieved through years of evolution, our brains are triggered to appreciate being appreciated. Sometimes appreciation, as materialistic as it sounds, not to mention cliche,can come in a fancily wrapped package with a red ribbon tied around it. It doesn't matter if it's a cheesy ornament or an intricate piece of jewellery or even a bouquet of flowers, allow yourself to enjoy that sense of giddiness that surfaces as you open it. Savour it like the first sip of a good wine after a long day in the fields.

Take a day off if someone wants to take you somewhere, be it friends, family or a lover. They probably see someone who deserves to have a good time, someone who deserves to let go, at least occasionally. Let it be on them, and for once know that you don't have to be in control. You will find it as refreshing as a glass of ice cold cucumber water on a sweltering day. Better, if it is a romantic get away, be it a star hotel or somewhere allusive , or the just the two of you at home. Enjoy the quiet (or the noise if you're that's what you are into) and the sense of irresponsibility that only not having to think of how anything  is to be done will bring. He offers to cook? Let him. See what he comes up with. He wants to take you for a movie? Let him. Ask him to pick one. Allow yourself to be surprised. 

Experiment. If you're used to taking care of yourself, you probably have a sense of style that you've developed for yourself and proud of, rightly so. This probably means that everything in your closet screams "you" thus are of a particularly singular in taste. As great as it, wont it be fun just to see the sort of garment someone else would choose for you? Give it a go. Yes you might hate it, but you might also find that you could actually look better in it. Want to hear another pro? It's an automatic insight into how the other person views you.

The occasional letting go will not only help you unwind but also teach you much. You will be surprised at the things you get to discover about your own self,I mean you've got to admit, maintaining a singular image can get you addicted to a certain way of life, which might not allow yourself to fully experience your complete self.You will also be surprised at the discoveries you make of others, their likes and dislikes. When you're used to being in control of your life, you do run the risk of turning into a control freak yourself, and that might not be the best way to discover the likes of the others around you.

So let go. If you really are as confident and independent as you think you are, and have that constant urge to be in charge of things, giving up that control for a few brief moments, to someone who knows exactly what you deserve (pun definitely intended) might just be the two additional ounces of vodka your rather neat cocktail fondly awaits.

Pularae